Sad truths.

The first time I ever picked up a Postsecret book, I was a tragic, fat high school nerd. I wasn't really picked on in high school (though after middle school, I still prickle every time anyone around me whispers -- I'm 22) but I was no kind of prom queen. I had a great group of friends, but I wasn't particularly popular. I was strong and bright and funny, but I'd never had a boyfriend. And in high school, nothing mattered to me more than that.

I fell in and out of love like it was going out of style, told myself that this one would be different and he will see me for the wonderful person that I was. It never happened.

When I saw this secret for the first time, I sat cross-legged on the floor of a Borders in The Woodlands, TX, and I ached. This girl was me. This girl knew exactly how I felt, I knew it, and I agreed with her so wholeheartedly, it was as if I'd scoured my Cosmo Girl for a skinny model's body to write on, taped the picture to a note card and sent it in myself. I truly believed that the only thing holding me back in life was my weight.

As it turns out, I was wrong, duh. My weight itself was not the problem. The problem was the fact that I never made a move to alter my situation. I sat around and blamed it and I could have done that until I was blue in the face, but in the end, I'd still be overweight. I had much bigger problems than that.

Being skinny wouldn't have made me irresistible to my ideal man, just the shallower ones who probably weren't worth my time, anyway. Being skinny wouldn't have gotten me better grades or made me any cleverer or more beautiful. I had to learn to love myself before anybody could ever love me properly, and as cliché as that is, even though you've heard it 3 trillion times in movies and books and on television, it's true.

I really don't know where I'd be if I'd never learned that the most important person in my life is me. I'm a happy, independent (ish) college senior. I'm so excited to face my future with confidence and to attack and wrestle to the ground every obstacle that will ever present itself to me; that includes, of course, my weight. I'm so freaking proud of myself for finally doing what I've always put off in favor of fear of failure and ineptitude. I will be what I've never been, and I can't even explain how incredible that makes me feel.

So here's the breakdown: Since coming back to school, I've lost 9 lbs. Only 1 more until I reached the half-way point of my by-Thanksgiving goal! If I could achieve all of this in just 1 month (and keep in mind that I'm gaining muscle like a boss and muscle weighs more than fat), who knows what the hell else I can do? Take on the literary world and absolutely own at everything I've ever wanted to accomplish, hopefully, and even if I can't do that, I'm confident that this whole experience will mold me into a greater human being. (PS: For those of you who don't know, I'm a creative writing major -- writing is my thing, yo).

Boys aren't the answer. Boys aren't the goal. Boys are nice, but in the end, all that matters is me and being happy inhabiting my own skin.

Also! Unrelated! Halloween is coming up. You guys know what I look like, so you know I've bleached my hair and cut it short and that I'm totally adorable, so I'm posing a question: I want to be a celebrity for Halloween. Who should I dress up as? I'm considering Kelly Osborne, but I'm open to and kind of relying on your suggestions! Comment here or drop me a note on Facebook! ♥

I talk a lot of cool shit, but you guys are absolutely what keeps me going in this whole endeavor and in life in general. I'm so thankful for all of you who have always supported me and supported me since I started this silly little blog. You're the bestest.