I'm not very good at this. D:

Blogging, not working out and dieting. Working out and dieting I'm getting progressively better at. But blogging, haaa, well, those of you who have been following this blog can see how that's going. I need topics to leap up into my face and scream "WRITE ABOUT ME," I guess. That's no good. What am I going to do when I'm writing for reals? I can't let myself get bored with long-term projects, (seriously, what in my life wouldn't suffer from doing that?) so from now on, I'm going to take this blog as seriously as I am my workout routine.

I will write every Monday and Wednesday and weigh in days will be Fridays instead of Mondays because getting on a scale after the weekend is just masochistic.

SPEAKING OF MASOCHISM, weigh-in on Monday...happened. I guess. I haven't lost any weight since the last weigh in, which, to my credit, wasn't a full 2 weeks before this latest one. Hence the switch to Fridays. My schedule's all messed up, ugh. How am I getting skinnier? I definitely am, but the scale doesn't appear to notice.

But hey, I hit a few epic milestones lately! Here they are:

I actually fit into my favorite red pants. They are crazy awesome and until recently gave me a crazy, not-so-awesome extreme muffin-top. not anymore!

And on the treadmill the other day, as a personal experiment, I decided to run for as long as I could without stopping/slowing to a walk. I went for a full 5 minutes before getting winded. Those of you who knew me in high school PE can guess what a big deal this is to me.

In PE when I was 15-16, I had the pleasure of being instructed (see: tortured) by a particularly prickly and ornery Skinny Bitch. We'll call her Coach W (don't worry, bitch, nobody could possibly guess who you are, lol).

Coach W had it out for me and my friends, who we'll call Alma and Amber (because those are their names). Now, I know how not-credible it always sounds when someone complains that a teacher has it out for them, especially in high school when we're all prone to high drama to begin with, but seriously, this woman hated us. When running the track, she would yell across the athletic field that we were out of shape and needed to go faster/work harder/stop being lazy, etc. Coach W made us targets for harassment from the Skinny Bitches in our class and turned a blind eye when they taunted and sometimes threatened us. We grudgingly dealt with it for 2 stupid, humiliating years.

Point is, instead of motivating us to get into shape, Coach W exacerbated the body-image problems we didn't even know that we had. I had no desire to get into shape after class with Coach W -- I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Nobody, least of all a teacher, has the right to make somebody feel inferior because of their body.

So screw you, Coach W. I'm going to run my ass off (literally) and write you a letter telling you all about how you're a hate-mongering, self-esteem crushing, miserable woman but despite you (not to spite you), I've bettered myself (so suck it).

(PS, that's my boyfriend Jensen Ackles as a gym teacher in an episode of Supernatural. Not particularly relevant to this entry, but look at him. Damn. ♥)

Weigh-In #2.

I've been goin' through some shit, y'all. This isn't really the best place to talk about this, I know, but it's relative to my process, so damn it, I'm going to talk about it.

I just found out on Monday that my dad is going to prison for 5-10. I'll spare you the full explanation, but long story short, I've been incredibly bummed out, so much so that I even missed weigh-in on Monday and didn't get around to it until yesterday. I lost 2 more lbs! That's 3 in the past 2 weeks. Not terrible, but not good, either. I'm gonna have to step it up!

I'm doing okay now, keeping myself busy etc., so don't worry! Tomorrow is Monday, start of a whole new week, and I plan on making it my bitch.

In conclusion:

Lbs lost: 7.
Lbs left to lose: 93.

Sucktasticity.

I've been such a screw-up this week, guys. Bouncing back to my regimen after the holiday (which was 3 parts awesome and 1 part totally effing ridiculous) has proved to be much harder than anticipated. Everything was closed on July 5th, so I gave myself a lazy day. If bank tellers don't have to go to work, why should I have to go to the gym? My logic is flawless, shut up.

But yeah. I've been a lazy ass all week. I only got to the gym 2 of my 5 days this week. Monday, my excuse was a holiday hangover -- pretty legit, actually. I don't want to puke all over the hot USAF guys who frequent my gym. Tuesday, I had no money with which to put gas in my empty tank (I put my last 77¢ in so I could putter home, at least. A new low). Granted, I could've walked to the gym, but it was raining and apparently, I think I'm the Wicked Witch of the West. Tuesday night, I stayed up until 3 or 4 because I excel at procrastination and had a paper due on Wednesday morning, so I spent most of Wednesday in a delirious haze.

Thursday was the day I finally got my shit together, dragging myself to the gym after some serious mental coaxing and ugh. I'm never taking a long, pointless break like that again. My body seriously didn't thank me for my laziness.

Today was better, thank goodness. Got back on track and then some. My morning motivation was awful, though. I dragged myself out of bed, considering very strongly not going to the gym because I was tired and it is Friday and I am tiiiired. So I brought out the big guns. I weighed in early because after my week of lazy debauchery, I knew there's no way I'll be happy with what I see on Monday morning.

And I was right. I've only lost 1 pound in 2 weeks, which is a pretty stern wake-up call. If I'm say that I'm committing to this process, I seriously need to commit. Telling myself that I have a whole year so there's no sense in worrying and that I can afford to let myself slack off is only going to hinder me and I won't reach my Great Big Goal.

That being said, I know that my entire life isn't going to change overnight. I know that there can't always be successes and that's part of the journey. I'm learning and learning is stupid and hard, but in the end, I'll be better off for it. I promised myself that and I seriously owe me.

Updates, etc.

I've been kicking some ass lately. My own, specifically. I've amped up the cardio in my workout and it's really pretty incredible how much of a difference I can already feel in my body. I have ridiculous stamina (well, ridiculous for me, anyway) and I've fallen in love with the elliptical. We're getting married. It's serious.

When I'm rich and famous, I'm going to have a gym in my house, I think. I don't mind going to a public gym, but there are definitely some irritating elements to it. Like the people who come and harass me about free trial etc. and so-forths every 4 seconds and the trainer who got super bitchy when I asked him to show me how to adjust a machine.

This weekend was July 4th and so there was barbecue and booze, but I'm not beating myself up about it. It was totally worth it and only makes me want to get back to the gym even more. What I'm not looking forward to is getting back to school. I'm taking summer classes so I can graduate in May (woohoo!) and it's absolutely mind-numbing. All I want to do is lay out in a pool and work on my tan.

I know this entry is pretty durr hurr durr, but I don't have anything to talk about right now but I've gotta keep myself on track with the blog. So here you go! An entry of nothing! I think I'm going to start doing regular updates on Mondays and Wednesdays. Just fyi.

[/boring update] :D

Weigh-In #1.

Weigh-in day sneaked up on me even though I've been gabbing about it for the past two entries. And so as not to keep you in suspense, the results are in!

Lbs lost: 4.
Lbs left to lose: 96.

It seems like nothing, I know. Believe me, I know. But I figure that 90% of this first 2 weeks was just supposed to get me used to working out/eating right and now it's time to step it up. (A teeny, wangsty part of me would also like to blame my stupid ear infection for throwing off my groove, but please, feel free to ignore this).

Either way, results are results. Despite my horrific ear problems, I'm still feeling pretty good (though motivating myself to go to the gym is steadily becoming more and more difficult). Somehow, 96 lbs is a lot less daunting than 100. I think it's the triple-digit thing.

But yes. I can do this. I am doing this. Proof.

And then my ear exploded and ruined my week.

It's been a rough week.

I've been dealing with an ear infection for a little while ("dealing with" = "taking lots of ibuprofen and pretending it's not there") and yesterday it got so bad I had to hit up the doctor. So now I have his awful medication dripping into my brain, I didn't get to go to the gym yesterday because my head felt like it was going to fall off and I feel like a lazy, sickly, unmotivated turd.

[/complaining]

Weigh-in #1 is happening in just two short days. GET PUMPED while I take a nap.

I am too old to watch high school sitcoms.

You know what I love? Fat bitches on TV shows.

These days it's like Hollywood thinks we're all idiots, though. Like, seriously, I'm supposed to believe that the spindly chicks playing "the fat girl" are/have ever been/were ever picked on for being a Fat Chick? Puh-lease.

For example: I'm unabashedly obsessed with Pretty Little Liars, a horrible, wonderful show on ABC Family. One of the titular characters is played by Ashley Benson (pictured right) and is supposed to be a Former Fat Chick who vomited her way into popularity. This would be all well and good (believable, anyway)...if it weren't for the flashback scenes. They show Benson looking just as hot and svelte as I'm sure she always does (but in a sweatshirt), yet for some reason, her friends heckle her for being fat and she supposedly shops at some hilariously named plus-size store. Bad form, ABC Family.

I mean, it's not like I expect a ton from ABC Family to begin with and I'm not advocating for actors to fluctuate in weight for believability, but it's just sooo silly. I'm not self-righteously insulted or anything. I'm not gonna whine about the sort of message this puts out to kids about healthy body standards because kids should have more common sense than that. If they don't, they probably have bigger things to worry about than body image.

You know what show did Fat Chicks right, at least briefly? Degrassi: The Next Generation. Though I absolutely loathed the Fat Chick character, Christina Schmidt (left) is an actual Fat Chick, which was heartening. Then her character suffered a massive head injury and she left the show. But don't worry, they still talked about body image. And by "they still talked about body image" I mean "they made like, 25 skinny bitches anorexic or bulimic." Sigh.

And then there's this new show, Huge, starring Nikki Blonsky (who is once again typecast as a Fat Chick with Body Issues, wah wah wah -- you don't get a picture of her).

Why are we expected to hate ourselves if we're fat, again? I don't hate myself. Being fat, to me, has never been so Earth-shatteringly horrible that I cry about it or can't make friends or can't get laid, etc. Sure, there are insecurities that come with being fat, but there are insecurities that come with being super skinny, too. Or freckled. Or brunette. Or, you know, alive. Everybody's insecure. So why do all these high school sitcoms that I watch only show Fat Chicks dealing with being fat? There's so much more to the life of a Fat Chick than that.

In other news, 3 days 'til weigh-in #1!!